I have just returned from Slovakia, and as I am befuddled by jet long, over-exhaustion and lack of proper nutrition, I am not yet ready to unveil how fucking insane this trip was...(actually I have not even explained that I was there protesting a uranium mine...more to follow upon recuperation).
Anyhow, a smaller, more isolated result of the trip:
I cannot begin to explain how hard and under what conditions I worked, and while I absolutely loved it, my body was paying a high price. During a meal in Bratislava, I was feeling so progressively ill that something else was triggered--I had a flashback of a really painful and dangerous experience from my past. I believe this happened because the symptoms my body was feeling were very similar to a long-gone experience and so conjured the memory.
The flashback itself was quite shocking for me. I have never felt that particular sensation, and all at once my face crumbled, I began blinking uncontrollably, and was short of breath. I could not shut the scene out, and my eyes became blurry with tears. I became so overwhelmed that my body went into literal (not exaggerated) panic, and my heart palpitations and tremors were so intense I gasped for Britte and booked it to the bathroom.
Amidst all of this, I could not stop thinking about how debilitating my single experience of a flashback was, and sickened that our troops with PTSD, who confront profoundly greater trauma than I have, do not receive proper care, and are even sent back into Iraq.
This matter concerned me before, but my first experience with a flashback and subsequent panic has given me a more personal attachment that will continue to influence my political thoughts and work.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment