Tuesday, January 8, 2008
helping his wife overcome nearly-fatal anorexia
This story made me cry. But you have to read it to the end. I appreciate legitimate exposures of eating disorders.
no, really?
Uhhh...how is For Girls, Social Status Tied to Weight anything new or newsworthy? Thank you, Captain Obvious.
"Adolescent girls who view themselves as unpopular have a higher risk of gaining
weight in subsequent years, researchers have found."
But it gets worse. The article concludes with "Making Weight Control a Priority." How the fuck does this happen? Isn't the obvious question "why are these young girls correlating their worth with their bodies, and how can we fight against this? How can we stress internal qualities?"
I can only only imagine all of the "fat" and "unpopular" girls and/or their parents reading this article, and in response to the overwhelming pain of rejection and inferiority, a diet and exercise plan is the only way to feel good about who you are.
Great way to replace insecurity with obsession and insecurity brewed in one! Great way to make young girls and their families dwell on food as the answer to lack of confidence. Way to go! We sure are raising strong women!
I know it is hard to realize at the time, but generally, if you don't fit in the high school mold, it is a good thing.
But no no. What could be more fulfilling and more conducive to exploring and shaping one's identity than being hot and desired by every one? After all, that is all women are good for.
"Adolescent girls who view themselves as unpopular have a higher risk of gaining
weight in subsequent years, researchers have found."
But it gets worse. The article concludes with "Making Weight Control a Priority." How the fuck does this happen? Isn't the obvious question "why are these young girls correlating their worth with their bodies, and how can we fight against this? How can we stress internal qualities?"
I can only only imagine all of the "fat" and "unpopular" girls and/or their parents reading this article, and in response to the overwhelming pain of rejection and inferiority, a diet and exercise plan is the only way to feel good about who you are.
Great way to replace insecurity with obsession and insecurity brewed in one! Great way to make young girls and their families dwell on food as the answer to lack of confidence. Way to go! We sure are raising strong women!
I know it is hard to realize at the time, but generally, if you don't fit in the high school mold, it is a good thing.
But no no. What could be more fulfilling and more conducive to exploring and shaping one's identity than being hot and desired by every one? After all, that is all women are good for.
Monday, January 7, 2008
some fortune teller
Some fortune teller stopped me on the street today, as I was pacing back and forth and staring at the ground. I have a hard time actually comprehending words when people talk to me, but I think he told me at some point that he is a yogi. Which confuses me, because I thought yogis were masters of yoga. Whatever. Incidentally, he reads palms.
But this is not how he disrupted my mid-day rumination.
It happened something like this:
Him: You know, you are very lucky. God has (no idea what the fuck he said here, but he pointed to his forehead).
Me: Oh? Why is that?
Him: You are very beautiful. You could be actor. But you think too much, so you have bad habits.
This is when I wanted to drop-kick the guy--I am lucky because I am beautiful? My redeeming quality is something I have absolutely zero say in, and something that says nothing about myself as a person? And of course, I could only think of my recent blog post....being pretty--blessing or curse?
And instead of exploding on the palm-reading defrauder, I let him ramble. Perhaps because it would be too difficult to explain why his words hurt me, anger me, and severely disenfranchise my ability to be viewed as a productive and well-achieved person...and perhaps also because I was bored and curious.
So I let him finish his banter. And the most hilarious part is even though I know the whole thing is horse-crap, I actually gave a moment of thought to what he said. Ha.
My career and life are changing. Three great things will happen to me in March. Someone who loves me is a liar. Someone else who loves me loves love too much. One of them is old, and one of them is younger. More on my bad habits and over-thinking.
So glad I believe in chaos and meaninglessness.
But this is not how he disrupted my mid-day rumination.
It happened something like this:
Him: You know, you are very lucky. God has (no idea what the fuck he said here, but he pointed to his forehead).
Me: Oh? Why is that?
Him: You are very beautiful. You could be actor. But you think too much, so you have bad habits.
This is when I wanted to drop-kick the guy--I am lucky because I am beautiful? My redeeming quality is something I have absolutely zero say in, and something that says nothing about myself as a person? And of course, I could only think of my recent blog post....being pretty--blessing or curse?
And instead of exploding on the palm-reading defrauder, I let him ramble. Perhaps because it would be too difficult to explain why his words hurt me, anger me, and severely disenfranchise my ability to be viewed as a productive and well-achieved person...and perhaps also because I was bored and curious.
So I let him finish his banter. And the most hilarious part is even though I know the whole thing is horse-crap, I actually gave a moment of thought to what he said. Ha.
My career and life are changing. Three great things will happen to me in March. Someone who loves me is a liar. Someone else who loves me loves love too much. One of them is old, and one of them is younger. More on my bad habits and over-thinking.
So glad I believe in chaos and meaninglessness.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
another great blog on my list
I love postsecret...it features anonymous secrets mailed in from all over the world.
it is only me changing...not the world
I suppose if one were to look at my starting point (senior year of high school) and compare it to my current state, the change is extremely drastic. But for me, it is more of a domino effect, and in that respect, my changes have been incremental and connected to one another.
In the way infancy as compared to adulthood is a startling transformation, yet changes are hard to decipher daily...I too have changed gradually over time to a point where I don't identify particularly as liberal, and actually abhor the linear scale of political orientation. I see myself somewhere in between progressive and radical (not on a polarized continuum, thank you).
Where this gets confusing for me is that I occupy my own mind quite vigorously, and I have experienced my own natural and logical progression, and it makes so much sense to me that I automatically feel like the rest of the world would just be following suit, or see the same plain logic that I do, and make my same progression.
Every once and a while I look around and get a whiff of mainstream ideologies; I just get so thrown-off and confused. Homophobia? Racism? Sexism? Gender oppression? Compulsory heterosexuality? Religion? Ageism? Environmental devastation?
These things absolutely blow my mind. I can't even see where people are coming from anymore. I can't even excuse it anymore. It is just so bizarre that I feel alien many times.
And every so often I have to remind myself, "Vanessa, it's just you that is changing. Not the world"
Well, hopefully the world is changing a little bit, too. Hopefully.
(Check out my optimism and assumption of reality. Hopefully I will feel a little more nihilist in my next post)
In the way infancy as compared to adulthood is a startling transformation, yet changes are hard to decipher daily...I too have changed gradually over time to a point where I don't identify particularly as liberal, and actually abhor the linear scale of political orientation. I see myself somewhere in between progressive and radical (not on a polarized continuum, thank you).
Where this gets confusing for me is that I occupy my own mind quite vigorously, and I have experienced my own natural and logical progression, and it makes so much sense to me that I automatically feel like the rest of the world would just be following suit, or see the same plain logic that I do, and make my same progression.
Every once and a while I look around and get a whiff of mainstream ideologies; I just get so thrown-off and confused. Homophobia? Racism? Sexism? Gender oppression? Compulsory heterosexuality? Religion? Ageism? Environmental devastation?
These things absolutely blow my mind. I can't even see where people are coming from anymore. I can't even excuse it anymore. It is just so bizarre that I feel alien many times.
And every so often I have to remind myself, "Vanessa, it's just you that is changing. Not the world"
Well, hopefully the world is changing a little bit, too. Hopefully.
(Check out my optimism and assumption of reality. Hopefully I will feel a little more nihilist in my next post)
Atheist display repeatedly vandalized
WEST CHESTER — "The “Tree of Knowledge” in front of the county courthouse was vandalized Saturday night, marking the fourth time in the last month someone has defaced this monument to atheism.
Members of the Freethought Society of Greater Philadelphia put up the 15-foot evergreen just before the Christmas season and have been monitoring it ever since.
The atheist group got the idea for the tree after seeing the menorah and nativity scene that the county had allowed religious groups to place on the courthouse property. County commissioners granted approval for the tree, allowing the Freethought Society for the first time to put up such a display.
While the religious displays have drawn little public ire, the “Tree of Knowledge” has been a source of many complaints."
It is strange how freedom of religion sounds so tolerant--but really, how tolerant is a compulsory religious attitude? Why is any religion, so long as you have one, necessary?
Freedom to choose any religion should be as vital as freedom to abstain from religion without shame, harassment, disenfranchisement, discrimination, and the like.
Members of the Freethought Society of Greater Philadelphia put up the 15-foot evergreen just before the Christmas season and have been monitoring it ever since.
The atheist group got the idea for the tree after seeing the menorah and nativity scene that the county had allowed religious groups to place on the courthouse property. County commissioners granted approval for the tree, allowing the Freethought Society for the first time to put up such a display.
While the religious displays have drawn little public ire, the “Tree of Knowledge” has been a source of many complaints."
It is strange how freedom of religion sounds so tolerant--but really, how tolerant is a compulsory religious attitude? Why is any religion, so long as you have one, necessary?
Freedom to choose any religion should be as vital as freedom to abstain from religion without shame, harassment, disenfranchisement, discrimination, and the like.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
what's up with all the crazy christian banter wrapped up as legislation?
The Colonic was angered a few posts ago by the Christmas bill...but what the fuck is this shit?
H. Res. 888 affirms "the rich spiritual and religious history of our Nation's founding and subsequent history and expressing support for designation of the first week in May as `American Religious History Week' for the appreciation of and education on America's history of religious faith."
Everyone should call respective representatives ASAP and say this is a bunch of shit. If you are in the mood to be irritated, read the whole bill.
H. Res. 888 affirms "the rich spiritual and religious history of our Nation's founding and subsequent history and expressing support for designation of the first week in May as `American Religious History Week' for the appreciation of and education on America's history of religious faith."
Everyone should call respective representatives ASAP and say this is a bunch of shit. If you are in the mood to be irritated, read the whole bill.
nipples
Let me just put it out there--I am vehemently opposed to the sexist and contradictory laws that allow the male nipple in public and relegate the female nipple exclusively to the private sphere, with gawking and whispers accompanying any "deviance."
This, by the way, is a discriminatory and pathetic socio-cultural distinction that has transcended into nudity and obscenity laws, althose these laws vary by state.
Back to my point. I was practicing yoga and looking across the room at all of the topless men, thinking about how much more I would like to practice in the freedom and comfort of toplessness. And then it occurred to me that if I just got down and took off my shirt, suddenly the rules of the game would change, and the case would be that I want attention. I am trying to make a point. I want people to look at me.
I could not be like an the men--innocently wanting a different experience, feeling, or comfort level. I would be wanting people to look at me. That pisses me off so much.
Maybe next time I'll just take it off.
This, by the way, is a discriminatory and pathetic socio-cultural distinction that has transcended into nudity and obscenity laws, althose these laws vary by state.
Back to my point. I was practicing yoga and looking across the room at all of the topless men, thinking about how much more I would like to practice in the freedom and comfort of toplessness. And then it occurred to me that if I just got down and took off my shirt, suddenly the rules of the game would change, and the case would be that I want attention. I am trying to make a point. I want people to look at me.
I could not be like an the men--innocently wanting a different experience, feeling, or comfort level. I would be wanting people to look at me. That pisses me off so much.
Maybe next time I'll just take it off.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
white teeth, the microphysics of power, and the skewing of self
Each day that I live my life and as a born and raised Los Angelina, I cannot help but remark at my own internalization of gendered relations of power, my active participation in such relations, and my chronic self-regulation. This is what Foucault means in his concept of the microphysics of power--how we police our own bodies when no one is watching because we have actually absorbed relations of power. Think panopticon.
But what I am most fascinated with, beyond the actual process of internalization and self-surveillance, is how these evolve to skew perceptions of self in ways that are bizarre (and largely gendered)
I was reminded of all of this once more in a heated discussion I had with Monika about the color of our teeth. There are a few points I need to get at:
a) I am one detail-obsessed critter, and I can tell you that Monika has some fucking WHITE teeth.
b) Monika's teeth have become progressively and undeniably whiter over a process of whitening, but she absolutely cannot perceive this. This is why we argue--because I see the difference and she can't.
c) Monika is convinced that my teeth are whiter than hers. I am convinced of the opposite.
And this is the kicker...
d) I explain to Monika that she thinks that my teeth are whiter because she is focusing on my front teeth. I then go into a detailed explanation of the progressive changes of color and contour in my enamel extending backward from my two front teeth.
It really struck me how much I have absorbed image-orientation, to the extent that I can map out nuance in the shades of my chompers. I can do that with every physical attribute I possess.
I am still humored by the passionate disagreements that I have with Monika. We both insist that the other one severely needs help and is desperately out of touch with reality (not that I particularly believe in reality...but that is for another post).
However, as I am the self-appointed authority on the matter, I hereby proclaim in public forum that Monika's teeth are not only one consistent shade of bright white, but also much whiter than mine.
The fact that we continue to debate such reflects our adherence to a culturally sanctioned heteronormative script of femininity that has wound us up in obsessive minutiae and thrown-off our perception of self.
But what I am most fascinated with, beyond the actual process of internalization and self-surveillance, is how these evolve to skew perceptions of self in ways that are bizarre (and largely gendered)
I was reminded of all of this once more in a heated discussion I had with Monika about the color of our teeth. There are a few points I need to get at:
a) I am one detail-obsessed critter, and I can tell you that Monika has some fucking WHITE teeth.
b) Monika's teeth have become progressively and undeniably whiter over a process of whitening, but she absolutely cannot perceive this. This is why we argue--because I see the difference and she can't.
c) Monika is convinced that my teeth are whiter than hers. I am convinced of the opposite.
And this is the kicker...
d) I explain to Monika that she thinks that my teeth are whiter because she is focusing on my front teeth. I then go into a detailed explanation of the progressive changes of color and contour in my enamel extending backward from my two front teeth.
It really struck me how much I have absorbed image-orientation, to the extent that I can map out nuance in the shades of my chompers. I can do that with every physical attribute I possess.
I am still humored by the passionate disagreements that I have with Monika. We both insist that the other one severely needs help and is desperately out of touch with reality (not that I particularly believe in reality...but that is for another post).
However, as I am the self-appointed authority on the matter, I hereby proclaim in public forum that Monika's teeth are not only one consistent shade of bright white, but also much whiter than mine.
The fact that we continue to debate such reflects our adherence to a culturally sanctioned heteronormative script of femininity that has wound us up in obsessive minutiae and thrown-off our perception of self.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
